CAYA Conversations
Join us as we dive deep into the challenges and triumphs of parenting and student life in the Clarkston area. Our expert therapists bring their insights to the table, discussing vital topics that resonate with families today. From stress and time management to navigating co-parenting and blended families, we cover it all.
Discover strategies for positive reinforcement, learn how to manage different sibling personalities, and explore when to seek professional support. Whether you’re a parent, student, or simply part of the community, our conversations are designed to empower and inspire.
Tune in to connect, learn, and grow together!
CAYA Conversations
Essential Stress-Busting Tips for Parents
Join us in this episode of Parenting Under Stress as we explore the ups and downs of parenthood—because there’s no perfect manual! We’ll uncover common stressors for parents, share practical stress-relief techniques, and discuss the crucial role of support systems in building confidence. Learn how to balance personal needs with parenting demands, model healthy stress management for your kids, and set realistic expectations to combat guilt. Whether you’re navigating time management or seeking help from your support network, we’ve got the insights you need to thrive on this chaotic yet rewarding journey. Tune in for actionable tips and relatable conversations that remind you: you’re not alone!
Stress Management Resources:
https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/stress/stress-management
https://www.mindful.org/when-parenting-gets-tough/
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_parents_need_a_little_self_compassion
https://parentingscience.com/parenting-stress/
Explore the various services available in our community to support parents and students facing social and emotional challenges at https://chs.clarkston.k12.mi.us/counseling/emotional-support
For Parenting Under Stress episode questions contact Lauren from Ellie Mental Health - Clarkston at Lruben@elliementalhealth.com or 586-322-3499.
For more information on Clarkston Area Youth Assistance visit https://caya-mi.org/ or call 248-623-4313.
Hello and welcome to the podcast CAYA Conversations. Clarkson Area Youth Assistance is a volunteer-driven nonprofit organization focused on strengthening youth and families through the community involvement and prevention. Programs and services include family education, skill building and camp scholarships, youth recognition, pinwheels for prevention and casework services. CAYA is one of 26 youth assistance offices in Oakland County, located in every school district. Learn more at www. CAYA-mi. org or call 248-623-4313. I'm Lauren Ruben, Clinic Director and Licensed Professional Counselor at Ellie Mental Health in Clarkston. I'm excited to introduce today's guest, one of our amazing therapists, Raeleen Davis, who will be discussing the important topic of stress management. We want to emphasize that parenting is a journey of trial and error. There is no perfect manual. We'll also highlight the importance of support as a vital ingredient in building confidence and enhancing parenting skills. To get the questions started, my first one for you, aylene, is what are the most common sources of stress for parents and how can they recognize early signs of stress before it becomes overwhelming?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Early signs of stress before it becomes overwhelming. Thanks, Lauren. I just wanted to say before we start answering questions, that it's a great topic to bring up. You know, just recently the US Surgeon General released a report saying one in three parents report having high levels of stress in the past month and they're urging changes in our culture, policies and programs to help all parents and caregivers. So this is a very important and relevant topic of our time.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:So, as many parents probably listening know, there's a plethora of sources of stress, financial strain, the cost of supporting a family, time demands, doing work-life balance.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:You know going to children's activities, trying to find time for yourself, concerns about your children's health and safety. If a family is worrying about maybe a serious illness somewhere in the family or something like that can be a source of stress, as well as feeling responsible for children's emotional well-being and development. That's a big stressor and mental load there. You know relationships, parental isolation or loneliness, trying to navigate social media and technology, changes in any sort of family dynamics, and you know these stressors can affect all of us and, as well as those in facing circumstances like family or community violence, poverty, racism, discrimination. You can add that you know right on top of it and so some signs of stress. You know you can do a check-in on yourself. You know if you're feeling irritable, fatigue, having trouble concentrating. You notice a lot of tension in your relationships, feelings of overwhelm. A nd you know one way to kind of recognize that is setting aside a regular time to reflect and check in with yourself, to kind of check in and recognize like, hey, I'm feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed right now.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:I couldn't agree more with those self check-ins. I think we get caught up in the day-to-day and just sort of forget to check in with ourselves. So so my next question is how can parents effectively balance their personal needs with the demands of raising children, especially when they feel like there's not enough time in the day?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Yeah, that's a great question again. Um, one thing that came to mind for me is the analogy of you know, juggling all the balls that you have in the air and understanding that some balls are made of plastic and some are glass. Right, and if you drop a plastic ball it bounces, no harm done, but if you drop a glass ball it shatters. So I think a good place to start is kind of understanding which balls you have in the air are plastic, and which are glass, which ones are your priorities, which is most important to you, and which ones can you kind of let go of. Parents should be realistic about what they can and cannot get done in each day, and sometimes things need to wait. You need to put food on the table, but maybe you don't have to do the dishes right away, or something like that.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:And then also carving out small pockets of time for yourself, even if it's 10, 15 minutes, you know, whatever. You can kind of get to help recharge and help kind of recenter you and give you that moment to get back in there and deal with all those demands that you have.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:What are some quick and practical stress relief techniques that busy parents can implement, even in a hectic household?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Yeah, that's a great question. So for stress relief techniques to be helpful, first of all we need to recognize that we're feeling stressed out and everything. This is kind of like the common theme that we talked about already. Sure, checking in with yourself and noticing like, ooh, you know where am I feeling stress and tension in my body. Am I, you know, like sometimes I will, as a parent, will not even realize how stressed I feel until I do a quick check-in and I notice like my shoulders are at my ears and my mouth is clenched or something like that. And I'll do some more mindful muscle relaxation and things like that to kind of help relax.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Deep breathing is always a key staple, as any therapist will tell you. Sure, taking nice, calm, deep breaths, that can help. Taking mindful moments throughout your day you know, if you're having coffee or, as I like, tea in the morning. Maybe taking a moment to just like really be present with that and notice like the tastes and the warmth or whatever. And then music, music can make a huge difference. That's, I know, for me when I'm feeling stressed, I'll put on more like calming classical music or something like that instead of upbeat music that I like to listen to typically. Sure, and you know another suggestion is like connection. So taking a moment to hug or connect with your kid or your partner and feel that physical connection or emotional connection. Those are all you know like pretty pretty quick and easy ways to to kind of calm those feelings of stress in the moment.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:Absolutely. I know I talk with my own clients about the importance of just like a hug and how it can really release oxytocin and can make us feel safe and secure when we're feeling that kind of stress. Hectic household. How can parents model healthy stress management for their children and why is this important? Oh, modeling.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Healthy stress management is so important for children because that's how your kids learn how to handle their emotions. They're learning how to be adults by observing you. So showing them the positive ways that you can handle the stress is just showing them how they'll be able to handle it in their lives. So it's very important in their development. You can model that by openly talking about your feelings in an age-appropriate way, right, like you know what I'm feeling a little stressed right now. I need to take a few deep breaths, you know, and that's a way for them to recognize emotion and have a positive coping skill. Absolutely. Also, showing them healthy ways to express your emotions like journaling, exercising, talking about it. Those are all different ways and then demonstrating to the best of your ability. Because we're, all you know, very busy people, but demonstrating that balance between work and play and having time for yourself and time for family. Trying your best to demonstrate that balance.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:How do you think parents can set realistic expectations for themselves and avoid the guilt that often comes with parenting under stress? Another great question, because that mom guilt right.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:It's something that so many people, moms or dads, deal with all the time, right? One thing that I like to remind myself is, good enough is good enough, right.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:You don't have to be perfect. Perfection is not the goal. Being present and attuned with your kid is what matters. And when I say attuned, I mean like connected and responsive to them. And it doesn't have to be 100% of the time, right. Research shows that only 30% of the time, if you're attuned to your child's needs, you pick up what they need. That will foster secure attachment and that's ultimately what we want to see. Reframing any mistakes as learning opportunities. So you know we all make mistakes. This is my job, this is what I do all the time and I definitely make mistakes in parenting. I might raise my voice or yell or, you know, get really frustrated or maybe show not the best coping skill at a certain time, but I always go back and I'm like you know what? Mom didn't handle that situation the best. And you know I'm going to. I'm a work in progress and you know I'm going to try to do it better next time. Practicing self-compassion you know, I'm going to try to do it better next time.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Practicing self-compassion you know it's okay to have hard days and ultimately it's acknowledging that parenting is really hard and really messy. And sometimes we can compare ourselves to what we think is like these social media images of perfect parenting or whatever that's out there and realize that that is just like we try to teach our kids not realistic totally. And focus on you know the way that you interact with your family and how your family is perfectly imperfect.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:Really good points. What role do you think self-care plays in managing stress and how can parents prioritize it without feeling like you know selfish?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Right, one thing that I tell myself, as well as my clients or, if I'm working with a kiddo, their parents remember that you can't pour from an empty cup, or the old adage from you know, like on an airplane, you put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:It's so critical for self-care to help manage stress because when you, as a parent, are in a lower stressed state, you can help others. So self-care is not selfish. It is essential to take time for yourself and sometimes, when we can reframe it that way, those feelings of guilt will subside. So to prioritize self-care, you want to start small, like I mentioned before a quiet morning, coffee, reading for 10, 15 minutes, going for a walk, reading for 10-15 minutes, going for a walk those kinds of things involve the family. So modeling self-care for kids by showing that everyone needs time for themselves like hey, kiddo, you need some time for yourself and mom needs some time for herself and reframe it in your mind self-care is not just for you, it's for your family. And by doing all of this, this models healthy work-life balance and self-care for your kids, so they know how to do it as they grow into, you know, hopefully, successful, less stressed adults.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:I think you make a really good point as well. I think a lot of this, even if I'm implementing it just taking a mindful moment to say like I'm intentionally taking this moment for self-care just sort of like brings me back to the present moment where I could just be like I got to be here by this time and by this time. So I appreciate just like, even if it's just five minutes, and just taking a moment to say like this is my me time, I think that's awesome, yeah, um. So what about? Like what are your thoughts on co-parents or partners? Like how can they work together to manage stress of parenting as a team?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Yeah, and this is, um, another great topic to talk about, because we want to remember that you are a team, right, Like, if you're a single parent, hopefully you have other support people in your lives that you can depend on and help along the way. And if you're in a relationship, hopefully you can rely on each other and you're on the same side. Right Like, you have the same goals and aspirations for your kid. You want them to grow up to be happy, healthy adults and that's your goal, because sometimes we can feel like some conflict and like I'm doing everything and you're not doing anything, or vice versa. And so reframing and remembering we're on the same side. And then with that, with your support people, you want open communication, like checking in with each other regularly, seeing how you're doing. Does somebody need like extra support this week?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:You know, for me personally, this week has been like a super busy week, and so I've told my husband like, hey, you're going to have to do bedtime tonight, cause I'm not going to be able to do that. You know, like, um, just sharing responsibilities as well. Right, like, you take care of bedtime tonight, I'll get it tomorrow night, or whatever. Or if you can do bath time I can do the dishes, those kinds of things, and acknowledge each other's efforts as well, because I mean, when we're thinking about raising kiddos, we know that positive reinforcement is the most effective form of reinforcement. So, acknowledging the good behaviors that they do well, we want to do that with our partners and our co-parents as well. Right, you know, thank you so much for you know, doing bedtime. That really helped me get work done or whatever it is. As well, as you know, you want to create a routine in your household as much as you can. That's helpful because it provides that structure, so everyone's kind of on the same page.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:I think you sort of answered somewhat of the next question about, like, just setting up some structure and routines, whether that's like a visual calendar on the fridge. But I guess my question is like are there time management strategies that can help reduce stress for parents juggling multiple responsibilities?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Yeah, absolutely. So one of the things that I first like to do is get the mental load out of your head. So take everything that you have in your head, like that to-do list that's constantly running in there, and write it out. Because when we can get everything from inside our head out on paper, it becomes less stressful, less overwhelming. And it's the same for, like, emotions right, if we have big emotions a lot of times, journaling will help. Getting it out on that paper really helps. Absolutely.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:And then, when you look at your tasks, go back to that plastic and glass balls analogy, right, like what is a priority? What has to get done? What's you know? What's a nice to have? Right, sure, you know, um, and then being intentional with your time like have specific times for work, for play, for chores those kinds of things create that structure in your life. And then a big one is to say no and delegate, um, let go of the need to do everything personally, which some of us, myself included, can struggle with, like feeling that need to do everything yourself. And every time somebody asks you to do something, taking it on. Personally, I know I got an email recently about a Halloween party at school and they need volunteers and my initial reaction is to like sign up for that and be like, okay, I'm going to sign up for this.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:And I said, okay, I don't have the time. This year it's on like Halloween's on a Thursday, it's my busiest day of the week. I don't have time this year to volunteer in the class, so I signed up for prizes for bingo or something like that instead, so I can feel like I'm contributing, but I just don't. I'm able to say no in that moment. It's a hard thing for me to do. For sure, absolutely, absolutely. So learning to say no, learning to delegate those, those are big skills to have as well.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:For sure, same with the last one just delegating with your partner or whomever, just to create that team component. It's really important for stress management. What are some ways parents can ask for help and lean on their support system when they feel overwhelmed?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Yeah. So I think the first part of that question, a really important part, is having a support system. So if you, you know, have family built in, that's awesome. You know, not all of us live near, you know, our built-in support system of, like, family and friends, you know, and you need to build that. Sure, cultivate relationships with other parents, you know, utilize your community where you can. I know for me, I have become good friends with neighbors, which is awesome because they're so helpful.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:Like, oh, I, you know, I can't make it to the bus stop this morning. Can you take my kiddo to the bus stop? Or something like that. That's huge, as you know, as a working parent. Just something as simple as that, absolutely.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:So, finding your community, finding your support system and then, when you have that, be direct about what you need. You know I need somebody to take my kiddo to the bus stop. Or, hey, I've got a doctor's appointment, can you grab the kiddo from the bus in the afternoon, or whatever. It is being very direct about what you need, Because people aren't mind readers and you might want to throw a hint out there, like, hey, a date night would be nice, but you know your mother-in-law might not pick that up. You might need to be like, hey, thursday night can you watch? You know, can you do? Can you come over because we're going to go out, or something like that, absolutely. And then, as well as you know, like there's always professional support out there. So people like us therapists, counselors, there's even parenting coaches out there when you need additional support, there are professionals available to help.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:Awesome. I couldn't agree more. As a therapist, my last question for you is how can parents differentiate between normal stress and burnout, and when it's time to actually seek out professional help for managing stress?
Raeleen Davis, LPC:So with normal stress, you know we've all experienced that that comes and goes. You know, usually, if you can, you know, maybe in my personal opinion, take a nap, because I love a good nap, or some sort of rest, some self-care, take a break. Those are things that can help alleviate. So those are things that can help alleviate stress. You know, typical stress. Maybe you had a stressful week at work but then you have the weekend to kind of like recuperate and then you go back to Monday feeling maybe not like 100% because it's, you know, Monday morning, but still.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:But burnout is chronic and it feels like emotional exhaustion, sometimes detachment, or feeling like you can't get anything accomplished. It becomes unmanageable and persistent. It's stress that's just completely overwhelming. That's just completely overwhelming. And it's not something that like a simple, you know, break or a night out is gonna, is gonna kind of help you reset, sure, and so signs that it's time to reach out to a professional. Um, persistent feelings of exhaustion or being overwhelmed, irritability, depression or anxiety that just doesn't go away. It's there and it's not like this is bad this week or this is bad a couple weeks. It's consistent If you're experiencing physical symptoms, headaches or stomach issues and they don't go away and they get worse, or difficulty even just finding joy in parenting, or you know, and not every moment of parenting is joyous. I understand that.
Raeleen Davis, LPC:But, like you know, maybe when you like see your kiddo sleeping, you know after a long day you can find like that oh, you know, maybe when you like see your kiddo sleeping, you know after a long day you can find like that oh, you know, I just love them so much joy when sometimes, when you're burnt out, you're just like oh, I don't want to wake up and do this again tomorrow. Yeah exactly, and then feeling emotionally disconnected from people too emotionally disconnected from people too. Like, if you've completely like detached or dissociated from those relationships, then you know like this is, this is something that needs a higher level of care and more support than than a date night or, you know, a weekend, absolutely.
Lauren Ruben, MS, LPC:Well, speaking of professional help. Um well, thank you, Raeleen. That was wonderful. If listeners, if you have any questions after today's episode or want to learn more about our services here at Ellie Mental Health in Clarkston, feel free to reach out to me Lauren at 586-322-3499 or email at Lruben@elliementalhealth. com. Thank you so much, Raeleen. That was wonderful. You're welcome. Thank you.
